Mayim MishegaasMayim Mishegaas

Dating As a Jewish Woman

Insights from Mayim Bialik
By Mayim Bialik     Published on 12/22/2015 at 9:40 AM EDT

Dating is hard. Trying to find someone who you enjoy being with, who you are attracted to and who is attracted to you, and who you find intellectually stimulating is hard.

Trying to find a life partner via dating is even harder. There are so many more things to consider besides simply do you like being with this person, are they attractive to you and are you attractive to them and are they intellectually stimulating.

Will they be a committed and loyal life partner? Can you picture growing with them and growing old with them? Do they want the same things from life that you do: kids, a house in the country, similar lifestyle goals.

Add to all of that dating as a Jewish person!

The Jewish community is unique in that we are a distinct people but not a distinct race. We have “white privilege” but don’t feel completely assimilated into the places we live because even if we are not religious, we are…different. We have cultural ways about us. We eat certain foods and celebrate a different calendar. If we are religiously inclined, we have religious restrictions that set us apart from others: how we eat, what we wear, how we behave.

Add to all of that dating as a Jewish woman, and dating can seem darn near impossible!

As women, we have a whole other set of concerns when we date.

Do we match up to – or should we have to match up to the standards of beauty set by our culture and popular media? Is it enough to be pretty or do you need to have plastic surgery or wear special undergarments to enhance yourself so that you are more than just pretty?

How sexy is too sexy? If you come off too sexy on a date, you might be perceived as undesirable in a way that men aren’t judged or accused of being.

If you are dating to marry, as a woman, there are certain considerations you may want to clear up very soon such as discussions of being a stay at home or not stay at home parent, or comparing views on child rearing. Sometimes this can come off as pushy or too eager and we women fear that might be a turn off!

It’s a wonder dating happens at all, honestly.

I have found that as a Jewish woman, the dating arena can be really intimidating for all of the reasons above and many many more. I am traditional in a lot of ways, but also unconventional in others. I love being Jewish and embrace it wholly but I also know that Jewish identity is a constantly evolving identity and it can change from month to month and year to year. There are a lot of stereotypes about Jewish women that we run into when we date and all we want is to find the one person who totally “gets” us.

JDate is a wonderful place to be able to narrow down your search when you date. I have so many friends who have found true love matches here and nowhere else. I love that Jewish singles are seeking out other Jewish singles here. Increasing assimilation is a big concern for our community, and JDate has made so many friends of mine happy lovers, spouses, and families.

And if my sons don’t like my plans for them to marry my best friends’ daughters, I hope they will turn to the world of JDate to help them find their perfect match. One can hope.

This piece was originally published on, in partnership with JDate.


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