My mom went on a cruise. She went for her birthday. My dad died a year and a half ago and she is trying new things since his passing. They were together just over 50 years and they had been together and pretty much inseparable since they were teenagers. 

Mayim’s mom, 1966

My mom and dad had a very traditional marriage and she didn’t do a lot on her own in terms of travel and such. So this cruise (across the Atlantic, mind you!) is a big deal.

She bought a new suitcase and for this particular cruise, she has to dress kind of fancy for dinner so she got some new dresses and she was so excited and nervous but she did it! She got on the boat and she will be gone for seven days.

Here’s the thing: I can’t talk to her during this trip. She doesn’t have WiFi on her boat and she couldn’t figure out if she will be able to text so she told me that she was told to turn her phone to Airplane Mode and that she loves me and bye!

She said that in a text: “Putting my phone on airplane mode. They said I have to. I love you, Bye!”

Alright then. So no communication for seven days. She and I typically talk twice a day on any given day, and now that she learned how to text, we text throughout the day.

Mayim’s mom sent this photo before turning her phone on “airplane mode”

So no communication for seven days. Okay. I didn’t know what to say. I wanted more information from the people on the boat who told her that. I simply said ‘bon voyage’ and that was it.

And then I welled up with tears. I’m sure she will be okay. And as a mentor of mine who I called about it said, “Someone will call you if something goes wrong.” That’s comforting…(that was sarcasm).

I welled up because I’m happy for her. And I’m nervous for her. This is a really brave thing to do, and it’s especially brave to get on a cruise alone when most people on the cruise are coupled. She misses my dad (how could she not?) but she is getting on with her life. And I am too.

I’ve always played kind of a parental role with my parents, especially as they have gotten older. I want to know how her first day was. I want to know how her first dinner was. Did she meet people? Was the food good? Did they have enough vegetarian options for her? Is she okay?

I have sons who are 8 and almost 11. I know that these feelings I am having are feelings I will have for them probably hundreds if not thousands of times in their lives as they individuate and pull away in healthy ways and find their own paths and interests without me. I get it.

It’s still hard. My mom has the remarkable social grace to make the best of pretty much any social situation she finds herself in. I did not inherit this trait, and I often leave events crying and shell-shocked because of reality not meeting my expectations or because of something someone said about vegans or I read into things and feel more left out than I am….My mom isn’t like that.

Mayim’s mom, on a cruise stop  in London

She will find people to talk to, or she won’t. She will be happy either way and she is going to have a great time I think.

I get to sit this out and twiddle my thumbs every day on the way home from work; the time I would normally call her to check in. And next week I will breathe a sigh of relief when she finally makes contact. And I’m sure I’ll be busy and possibly filming and I won’t get to answer the phone right away even though I’ll be dying to.

But I need to play it cool. I need her to believe I wasn’t worried and that I will be increasingly okay with her forays into an independent life. I’ll be okay. Because she’ll be okay.