(We receive lots of letters here at GrokNation about the impact that our articles have had on readers; occasionally these letters make points or share experiences that we think will be of benefit to the GN audience, and so we work with those writers to create fuller pieces to share with you all. Here’s one such letter, from Lisa Solak in Crystal Lake, IL, who recalls how she and some friends took action against a fraternity in 1994; portions of the letter were edited in collaboration with the author and names in documents were redacted at the author’s request. – GN editorial team)
The GrokNation article called “Seeking the Sparks in a Messy World” struck a chord with me. Some of the many keywords that stuck out for me were “college,” “media,” “women” and “attack”; these words reminded me of a time about 22 years ago, when I was in college.
It was 1994. One night my friend and three other women came to my dorm room. They showed me a fraternity pledge song book they had managed to get a hold of: one song was about raping a woman.
It made me sick to my stomach. And we knew we had to do something.
In an age that was pre-widespread internet, we wanted a way to rally women on campus quickly. We decided to make several copies of the page with the song on it and – the very next day – taped them inside every woman’s bathroom stall we could find. After we’d finished, I hand-delivered a letter to the editor of the campus newspaper…Sparks indeed! (The letter below is the draft of the letter, which was submitted to the editor.)
Did it get nationwide attention? No. But it did spark a conversation about “traditions.” Fraternities pride themselves on traditions, of following in the footsteps of their brothers. But some traditions are damaging. Maybe it was time to do away with damaging rhetoric and look forward.
While I can’t guarantee no one ever sang that song again, I do know that the fraternity president did the best he could in the situation and quickly removed the song from the songbook. The fraternities at my college also reviewed their practices; I did some research and discovered that their charter was also revoked. I hope it caused a ripple effect through each chapter of that fraternity nationwide, and caused greater awareness in our Greek system on campus. I wonder, in today’s lightning-fast news industry, how far this would have gone and what range of impact it would have had, on us as the ones who reported the incident, and on the members of that fraternity, especially the president.
Whose responsibility is it?
When I was in high school and college, I was taught not to put myself into situations that could cause me harm. The blame being put on the victims was the norm. I understood common sense, but the extent of this thinking never sat well with me. Point: my friend Ann and I were chased across the quad late at night when we were returning to our dorm. We got away and reported it at the front desk of my residency. We were lectured on how we should not have been out so late and should have had a male friend with us. Case closed, no calls were made to investigate. That was the sad reality – women should not be “stupid” and boys will be boys.
Now I am a mother with a son (15) and a daughter (10). I hope my son will be respectful of everyone. (I want to think I’m on the right path: recently he was playing StarWars Battlefront and complaining that he was Princess Leia. I chimed in, “Why? Because she is a girl?” He was horrified, “NO! It’s because I don’t like the lame gun they gave her. Geez mom – that was really a sexist thing for you to say.” So that’s probably good news. My daughter is headstrong and stubborn. I once got a call from her pre-school – she had seen a boy push a girl out of his way. She toddled up to him and knocked him over. She was not even two yet. The preschool director said she called me because she wanted to let me know I had a little advocate.)
Both of my children know there is bad in the world that could happen to anyone and under many circumstances – I hope that I’ve raised them to be aware of their belongings, so that they don’t get pick-pocketed at the mall, and told them to be careful when they cross the street, to help ensure their safety. My hope is by lumping common sense about personal safety into many gender-neutral scenarios, there will be no shaming game played. Is it perfect? No, but their father and I try our best.
After reading the “Seeking Sparks in a Messy World” article on GrokNation, I wanted to know if times had truly changed. How was rape prevention handled today? I went looking online for rape prevention programs. I found this one, described in the NY Times, which trains young women to lower their risk of becoming victims of sexual assault; the program includes workshops on “assessing risk, learning self-defense and defining personal sexual boundaries.” As the article notes, while this was found effective, more awareness in a general sense, and programs that deal “with the behavior and attitudes of men who could potentially be perpetrators” are also needed.
I also found this report, from the U.S. Department of Justice, Bureau of Justice Statistics, which includes statistics about sexual assault and rape in this country.
This of course does not include the assaults that went unreported. I would like to think that a victim would be more likely to report these days than in the in past because of increased awareness. Although it is still not enough. It’s not enough because sexual assault still happens.
Lisa Solak is a wife and mother of two who lives in Crystal Lake, IL. She loves learning about telecommunications history as a corporate archivist for a large telecommunications company and has been a proud participant in the American Cancer Society’s Relay for Life for over 10 years.
Resources:
On GrokNation
Other resources
- Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN)
- The National Sexual Violence Resource Center
- The CDC on violence prevention
Grok With Us
- How has technology changed how we disseminate information, especially about scary things?
- What confuses you about the issue of sexual assault?
- If you are a man, do you offer to walk women to their destination, or do you worry that it seems sexist to imply that they can’t get there without your protection?
- If you are a woman, do you feel safer walking with a man, or does asking for someone to accompany you make you feel like you can’t take care of yourself?
- At what age were you first aware that sexual assault can happen? How did your parents or teachers advise you on safety issues?
- What are your experiences with advocating for or raising awareness of sexual assault on campus or elsewhere?
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