Sometimes we read stories that make us wonder what we would do if we were president. After all, if even a smidge of what is in Michael Wolff’s new book is true, it makes it easy to imagine that we’ve got what it takes to make America kick ass again. While we know that it’s (probably) not in the cards for either of us, it’s still cathartic to think about what we would do if left in charge of this amazing country of ours. So sit back, relax, and read on to see what we would change when we are president.

When we are president…

When we are president, birth control will be accessible and affordable. And ALL employers/insurances will cover it. If they can manage to cover those little blue pills, they can manage this.

When we are president, sanitary pads and tampons will be handed out like flower crowns at Coachella. Or, at least they’d be exempt from extra taxes on a federal level.

When we are president, men and women will be paid equally for equivalent work. There will be no nonsense like what’s allegedly happening at NBC right now where Hoda Kotb’s and Savannah Guthrie’s salaries combined are still $11 MILLION dollars less than Matt Lauer’s was before he got fired for sexual assault.

When we are president, we will acknowledge that Climate Change is real and dangerous, and we will not defund or demean agencies and international treaties that could help towards repairing our earth.  

When we are president, we’ll only serve delicious vegan meals at official events to save money AND the planet.

When we are president, female senators will not be pressured to appear a certain way, They will not have to make their hair poofy, wear shoulder pads, restrictive skirt suits, or hosiery unless they want to. They also won’t be required to wear “sensible heels.” They can wear sneakers or combat boots like the rest of us!

When we are president, families will have access to affordable, high quality childcare. That way parents can work without outrageous childcare costs.

When we are president, we will give tours of the White House all day every day. It is after all the People’s house.

When we are president, men who rape or sexually assault (and particularly men who made $25 million/year at their jobs; looking at you Lauer) will have to pay their victims restitution. Because at the moment, despite what some folks think, victims do not get large sums of money (or even the opportunity to see their assaulter face any sort of real justice) and their lives are usually worse off when reporting and speaking out against assault.

When we are president, Idris Elba will automatically be named Sexiest Man of the Century.

When we are president, we won’t do anything that could be construed as demeaning, devaluing, or compromising the rights and safety of the disenfranchised. Even if “every president” has to clean house, we will listen when nationally recognized groups express disdain or concern for actions that might seem demeaning, devaluing or compromising of anyone’s rights and safety.

When we are president, not only will Harriet Tubman go on the $20, but we’ll also have Michelle Obama on the $50, and Wonder Woman on the $100.

When we are president, we will generally look to use social media to bolster support for cooperative understanding, productive community-building, and positivity, and not as a bully pulpit.

When we are president, Air Force One will be painted like the bus for the Muppets band, and will always serve french fries for in-flight snacks.

When we are president, we will not assume that we have the copyright on the one and only way to be an American. Freedom of speech, freedom of protest, and freedom of religion will always be the American way, even if we don’t agree with everything everyone says, protests, or practices.

When we are president, we will not use threats or hate speech to bolster our egos. We will not be slaves to our whims, and we most certainly will take very seriously the responsibilities of our office.